19 ways to stop arguments from exploding –
Introduction 👋
Arguments can be really stressful, especially when they get heated and explode! 🧨😓
Explosive arguments can have a bad impact on your wellbeing, as well as your relationships with your:
- friends
- family
- teachers
- managers at work
- colleagues at work
Today we’re going to teach you 19 ways to stop an argument from exploding. 💥
1. Don’t say things like “you always”🙄
If someone has done something to upset you or hurt you, it can be tempting to point out when it happens all the time. 🔁
The problem is, if you tell someone “you always do <insert nasty thing>” – the other person will feel like you’re attacking their character. 🥷
Nobody wants to feel like they’re constantly hurting/annoying other people all the time, right? 🤷♀️
For example –
“You’re always horrible to me!”
sounds a lot more hurtful than:
“I felt quite hurt by what you said just now”.
ooor
“You’re so lazy!”
sounds a lot more hurtful than:
“I’m feeling hurt because you forgot to clean the kitchen”.
If you want someone to change their behaviour without them getting really hurt, angry, or upset, it’s better to focus on the most recent time they’ve done that thing that has upset/annoyed you. ⌚
Try to avoid bringing up the past, and focus on what has just happened. 📆
2. Say “It felt like” or “It came across like” 💖
When telling someone that they’ve done something wrong, it can be easier if you try to focus on telling them how they made you feel or how it “came across”, rather than what they did. 💔
For example,
“It felt like you were ignoring me.”
or
“It came across like you were ignoring me.”
is a lot easier to hear than,
“You were being so rude and ignoring me!”
Saying “I feel” means that you’re not directly criticizing the person or their character. 🎯
Instead, you’re just pointing out where there has been a misunderstanding that they can explain. 🤷♀️
3. Don’t call each other names 🤬
When you’re feeling frustrated with someone, in the moment it can be tempting to say things like,
“Don’t be such an idiot!”
or
“You’re such a <insert swear word>”
Try really hard to avoid calling the other person names. 🤫
All it will do is hurt their feelings, and make the argument more intense. 🧨
It can also be very hard to forgive/forget name calling, and lead to the person resenting you in the long run. 💔
4. Admit what you’ve done wrong straight away – and apologise for it! 🙇♀️
It can be easy to feel defensive in an argument and to want to protect your pride, but what will really help an argument to calm down is to admit when you’ve done something wrong. 👐
This will show the other person that you’re not looking to attack them and point out things that they’ve done wrong.
It shows that you’re putting their feelings first, which will help them to feel less defensive. 💞
Admitting when you’ve done something wrong can help the other person to feel more at ease, and maybe even admit their mistakes too. 🤷♀️
Saying sorry also goes a long way to making someone feel at ease! 🤝
5. See conflict as a good thing to improve your relationship 🌱
When you’re in an argument, it can feel frustrating that you’re even in an argument in the first place – especially if it started off as a small disagreement!
This frustration can lead to arguments escalating. 📈
It’s important to remember that conflict is a normal part of relationships – and if you argue in the “right way”, it could even improve your relationship with the other person. ❤️🩹
Arguments can help you to:
- identify things that you’re unhappy about
- understand how each other think and feel
- create changes to improve your relationship
If you see conflict as a potentially positive thing, it can help you to stay calm in arguments. 🧘♀️
6. Remind each other that you care 🤝
Arguments can make you feel like you’re on opposite sides, and it’s important to remind each other that you’re a team, working together to solve a problem. 💭
Saying things like:
- I really care what you think, and I want to resolve this
- I don’t want you to be upset, I care about you
- This relationship means a lot to me, I don’t want to hurt your feelings
can help to bring you together towards a common goal of resolving the argument. 🏆
7. Don’t tell the other person they’re wrong 🙅♀️
It can feel really good proving someone else wrong, but unfortunately that usually won’t help in an argument! 😬
Even if the person is wrong, pointing it out will just make them feel hurt, and defensive.
Telling someone they’re wrong can hurt feelings, and escalate arguments. 🧨
8. Validate each other’s feelings 🔁
Whilst you might not see eye to eye with the other person, it doesn’t mean you can’t try to understand how they feel. 🤔
It can help to bring you together if you show empathy for how the other person feels. 🤝
You could say things like:
- I’m sorry that you feel hurt
- I really didn’t want to upset you
- It’s so understandable that you feel that way
- I would feel the same way if I were you
This can help to ease the tension in an argument.
9. Listen first – talk later – take turns 👂
Arguments can escalate when people don’t feel like they’re being listened to. 🤯
In an argument you’ll reeeeally want to explain your point of view and how you feel
BUT
try and restrain yourself – wait until the other person feels like they’ve been heard. ⌚
If the other person feels like they’re being listened to, they’re far less likely to get angry or escalate the argument. 📈
Why not set a timer to make sure that you both get equal amounts of time to explain your point of view?
10. Remember other things might be stressing them out 🥴
Remember when you’re arguing with someone, there are probably a million other stressful things that are giving them a short fuse. 📃
Try to be understanding and compassionate with them. 💖
The person you’re speaking to could be dealing with stressful things like:
- illness 🤒
- work stress
- trouble at home 🏠
- family stress
- money issues 💸
- anxiety
- mental health struggles 🧠
- body image issues
The way they are acting might have nothing to do with you – which makes it easier to treat them kindly.
11. Remember they’re probably not trying to hurt you 🤕
People don’t usually wake up in the morning and decide to hurt people’s feelings. 🛌
Especially if they care about you!
A lot of the time they didn’t mean to hurt you at all. 🤷♀️
People tend to hurt others from things like:
- Feeling defensive/under attack in an argument 🛡️
- Misunderstanding something you’ve said
- Feeling insecure 😟
- Stress
- Overwhelmed emotions 🥴
- Accidentally saying something the wrong way
- Saying something they didn’t mean 🤐
- Not noticing that they were being offensive
- Struggling to express their feelings 💘
So if the other person says something that offends you, try not to let it get to you, and remember they probably didn’t mean to offend you!
12. Become detectives – find the misunderstanding 🕵️♀️
Most arguments come from simply misunderstanding each other. 🤷♀️
To resolve a lot of arguments, all you need to do is:
- work out where the misunderstanding was 🗺️
- plan a way to stop it from happening again! 📝
Instead of seeing arguments as a tense shouting match, try and encourage the other person to see it as a conversation to investigate where you’ve misunderstood each other.
13. Show them kindness 💖
Arguments can feel intense, scary and hurtful.
Show the other person kindness, so that they know that you don’t want to hurt them.
You could do things like:
- making them a cup of tea ☕
- baking them a cake
- making dinner for them 🍳
- offering them a hug
- giving them a handshake 🤝
- saying something kind
14. Pause and take space ⏯️
If you feel things escalating and getting angry, it can help to pause and take space to calm down.
This doesn’t mean just walking off though! 🏃♀️💨
It’s important to keep the other person in the loop about how you’re feeling. 🔁
If you think it’ll help to take a break, make sure to:
- let them know that you think it’ll help both of you to take some space, and come back to discuss when you’re feeling more calm
- agree when you’ll come back to the discussion
15. Don’t say hurtful things 🤫
Saying hurtful things might feel good in the moment – but they’ll hurt you more in the long run. 💔
Saying hurtful things intensifies the argument, and could encourage the other person to say hurtful things back to you! 💣
16. Try to stay calm 🧘♀️
When you’re feeling emotional, it can be tricky to think clearly and express yourself in a way that won’t hurt the other person.
Try to stay calm, to stop the argument from exploding. 💥
17. Set time limits for discussion ⌚
The longer an argument goes on, the more worn down you’re likely to feel, which can escalate arguments. 📈
Sometimes frustration at arguing for so long, can make arguments explode. 💥
Agree time limits for discussion with the other person, to help keep arguments calm. ⌛
18. Ease the tension 🩹
Sometimes talking through an argument can feel tense and uncomfortable.
It might help to find something to do together whilst you’re talking, to ease the tension.
You could do things like:
- Go out for a walk together 🚶♀️
- Move to a different room
- Do something fun like play a game or do a puzzle 🧩
- Go out for food
19. Focus on the future 🔮
It can be painful talking about past mistakes, so once you’ve realised what went wrong, try not to keep going on about it! 🔁
If you keep talking about mistakes the other has owned up to, it could hurt their feelings, and lead to the argument escalating. 📈
Instead, focus on what you can do better in the future going forward.
Conclusion 👍
So that’s it!
You can help avoid explosive arguments by following these tips:
- Don’t say things like “you always”🙄
- Say “It felt like” or “It came across like” 💖
- Don’t call each other names 🤬
- Admit what you’ve done wrong straight away – and apologise for it! 🙇♀️
- See conflict as a good thing to improve your relationship 🌱
- Remind each other that you care 🤝
- Don’t tell the other person they’re wrong 🙅♀️
- Validate each other’s feelings 🔁
- Listen first – talk later – take turns 👂
- Remember other things might be stressing them out 🥴
- Remember they’re probably not trying to hurt you 🤕
- Become detectives – find the misunderstanding 🕵️♀️
- Show them kindness 💖
- Pause and take space ⏯️
- Don’t say hurtful things 🤫
- Try to stay calm 🧘♀️
- Set time limits for discussion ⌚
- Ease the tension 🩹
- Focus on the future 🔮
If you know any friends or family members who might benefit from learning about how to stop arguments from exploding, share this post with them!
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