Why don’t people like me? 8 reasons why you might put people off 👎 –
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What we're covering..
Introduction 👋
Do you ever get the feeling that someone just doesn’t like you?
Whilst it’s possible you’re overthinking it, you might also be right.
There are lots of reasons why you might unintentionally be putting people off.
Learning why someone might not like you can help you to:
- Be more aware of how you impact other people
- Improve your relationships with others 🤝
- Communicate better with other people
- Better understand how people feel 💖
- Feel more confident around other people
- Resolve conflict better with others 🥊
It’s not about pleasing everyone, but being aware of factors that can affect your relationships can be really helpful.
Today we’re explaining 8 things that might accidentally encourage people dislike you –
1. You don’t listen enough (and talk too much)👂
To impress people, it might feel like you need to always have the answers and always have something to say.
This isn’t true!
In fact, the opposite will often work better.
The most likable people are often the best listeners, making sure that everyone has room for their say. 💬
When you’re in a conversation with someone else, how often do you let them talk for?
What do you talk about? Them, or you?
Do you actually remember the things that they tell you?
Ideally, you should:
- encourage others to speak for longer than you
- encourage others to talk about themselves
- pay attention to what they say
If you make others feel listened to, they’re also far more likely to listen to you. 🙌
To make sure that people feel listened to:
- take a genuine interest in them 🤩
- ask them questions about their life🎤
- ask for their opinions on your plans 🤔
- make your team feel special – 133 ways to make someone feel special 💖
2. Being too negative 👎
Without realising, you might be quite a negative person, which can make it difficult to build relationships with other people.
If you’re constantly negative, you can:
- Drain people’s energy
- Make them feel more negative 😠
- Make you seem ungrateful
- Reduce people’s enthusiasm 😟
- Strain relationships
- Make people feel distant from you 🗺️
- Make people feel unsupported
On the other hand, people are usually drawn to positive people, so being a positive person can earn you more friends!
If you struggle to feel positive, speaking to your doctor can help you find ways to feel better.
Apps like Headspace can give you tools like meditation, sleep stories, positive music, and exercise ideas to help you reduce stress, and feel more positive.
3. Being awkward 😳
Social anxiety and feeling awkward can make it really difficult to build relationships.
Things like:
- Limited eye contact 👀
- Awkward silences 🤫
- Tense body language e.g. fidgeting, nervous gestures 😬
- Uncomfortable answers to questions 😳
can make people feel uneasy talking to you, and make them less likely to want to talk to you.
Social anxiety can also cause you to do things like:
- struggle to initiate conversations
- make you end conversations early
- withdraw from social situations
- avoid initiating conversations, responding to messages, inviting people places, and organising events
This can make it seem like you aren’t interested in other people, and encourage them to dislike you.
4. Coming across as arrogant 🙄
Without realising it, you might be coming across as arrogant.
You might do things like:
- Interrupting others or speaking over them 🤫
- Speaking to people like they’re not as clever as you
- Promoting yourself too much 🙌
- Dismissing people’s ideas or opinions too quickly
- Name-dropping important people you’re connected to all the time 😏
- Steering conversations towards yourself
- Ignoring people’s suggestions 🙉
- Criticizing other people too much
- Being too competitive 🥊
- Insisting that you’re always right, and being defensive about being wrong
This can make people feel like you think you’re better than them, and make them less likely to want to talk to you.
5. Negative body language 😠
Without realising, your body language might be making people feel uncomfortable.
You might be showing negative body language like:
- Avoiding eye contact
- Sighing
- Staring at people too much
- Rolling your eyes
- Tense expressions on your face
- Invading people’s personal space
- Ignoring people
- Acting distracted
- Slouching
- Acting closed off e.g. crossing your arms, turning your back to people
6. Being inconsistent 🎢
As a person you might feel and act very differently day-to-day.
However, other people love predictability, and can feel uncomfortable if you’re not a very predictable person.
Things like:
- reacting unpredictably to situations
- changing plans all the time
- mood swings
- being unreliable
- lying
- changing your attitudes and opinions dramatically
can make people feel insecure, and less likely to want to build a relationship with you.
7. You don’t apologise🤐
When you realise that you’ve hurt someone’s feelings or made a mistake, it’s really important to apologise.
If you don’t apologise to people, it might seem like you are:
- Not taking responsibility for your actions
- Ignoring hurt that you’ve caused to others
- Are untrustworthy/unreliable
- Not caring for other people’s feelings
- Unwilling to listen to other people
- Arrogant/too important to apologise
- Happy to leave conflict without a resolution
8. Not respecting boundaries 🧱
- Calling people at 2am when they’re trying to sleep?
- Hugging people when they hate hugs?
- Not giving people time and space away from you?
These are all examples of where you might be crossing boundaries for people.
In order for people to like you, you need them to feel comfortable.
This makes it really important to be aware of their boundaries and likes/dislikes in relationships.
If you’re not sure what boundaries a person might have – you can ask them what their boundaries are, or check with people if they don’t mind you doing things that might cross a boundary.
For example, rather than hugging someone, you can ask if they’d mind hugging you first.
Instead of calling someone unexpectedly at 2am – ask beforehand if they have a problem with late-night calls with you!
If someone sets a boundary with you, make sure that you respect it so that others feel comfortable around you.
Conclusion 👍
So that’s it!
There are lots of different reasons why people might be put off by you, such as:
- You don’t listen enough 👂
- Being too negative 👎
- Being awkward 😳
- Coming across as arrogant 🙄
- Negative body language 😠
- Being inconsistent 🎢
- You don’t apologise 🤐
- Not respecting boundaries 🧱
If you know any friends or family members who might benefit from learning about reasons why you might put people off you, share this post with them!
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